I did something dumb

I don't even know if I will post this.
All I know is I have to get it off my chest.
It's eating at me. I'm so angry at myself for doing this.
I don't know if I did it cause I want him to know he can trust NO ONE-or because I want him to know, I know he's lying to me???? Is he? Or is BM?
Well any of you who have been with me know how badly I have been crushing on RB.
I haven't said much about him lately, cause I heard shit. Not from him but from BM (mentioned in score card). I have tried so hard to just let it go.
Nope couldn't do it.
I could not get RB off my mind this weekend (probably cause he saw me in the parking lot on Friday and stopped me and we talked) I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks, before this. So I sent him an email. Pretty much asking what he wanted from me.
I got to work Monday and decided that it's none of my business whats going on in his life. "Move on!" I keep telling myself. Same thing many others have told me too. Sorry I didn't listen to ya all!
I should have left it at that. Nope not Spin! She feels her heart has been ripped out so she has to cause shit.
I tell him I heard things. And I would like to tell him.
He of course wants to know what I heard. I told him not over email.
I want to be face to face. I want to see if it's true or not. I think I can tell by his facial expression.
I don't really want to see him. He'll lie, about this one thing I know he will.
I know he's leaving his wife. He did tell me that. That was part of what I heard. Why does this guy have such a hold on me???? Why can't I just move on.
Honestly I told him for the 100th time today "good bye" maybe this one will stick.
I need some serious help!