I did something dumb

I don't even know if I will post this.
All I know is I have to get it off my chest.
It's eating at me. I'm so angry at myself for doing this.
I don't know if I did it cause I want him to know he can trust NO ONE-or because I want him to know, I know he's lying to me???? Is he? Or is BM?
Well any of you who have been with me know how badly I have been crushing on RB.
I haven't said much about him lately, cause I heard shit. Not from him but from BM (mentioned in score card). I have tried so hard to just let it go.
Nope couldn't do it.
I could not get RB off my mind this weekend (probably cause he saw me in the parking lot on Friday and stopped me and we talked) I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks, before this. So I sent him an email. Pretty much asking what he wanted from me.
I got to work Monday and decided that it's none of my business whats going on in his life. "Move on!" I keep telling myself. Same thing many others have told me too. Sorry I didn't listen to ya all!
I should have left it at that. Nope not Spin! She feels her heart has been ripped out so she has to cause shit.
I tell him I heard things. And I would like to tell him.
He of course wants to know what I heard. I told him not over email.
I want to be face to face. I want to see if it's true or not. I think I can tell by his facial expression.
I don't really want to see him. He'll lie, about this one thing I know he will.
I know he's leaving his wife. He did tell me that. That was part of what I heard. Why does this guy have such a hold on me???? Why can't I just move on.
Honestly I told him for the 100th time today "good bye" maybe this one will stick.
I need some serious help!

Red Neck Country

I was sitting at the light last night talking on my cell.

I was telling the person on the other end that I lived in the back woods.

Oh ok, I'm true New Englander, but I don't live in the back woods. I don't chew tobacco and don't have a front tooth missing. I haven't cashed in my wedding band and diamond to get mud tires for my jeep. And My brother-law isn't also my grandfather. My Christmas have been taken down!

But to show you what I do live with I had to take this picture! A True Red Neck Truck!

BTW-I'm a Yankees fan. Not many of us in my area. I have always stood out from the crowd.
Maybe it's just one of my many ways I try to get attention.

Got some SWEET news the other day! Hubby came home and asked if I would like to take an all expenses paid trip to Mohegan Sun Casino?!?!?!? Hell yeah! The only real gambling I ever did was on a carnival cruise ship 20 years ago.

http://www.hotels.com/property.do?mtnHotelID=205111&displayAd=false&PSRC=G21&mcid=G21.G53000940.mohegan%20sun.exact&gclid=CNam0K_6wpkCFc5L5QodZ1kMtg

YUP! I'm staying there. For one night, with a king size bed. There better be some action!Mmmmmmm

Hubby has loyally worked for a tire company for 29 years. Actually 30 this July. His boss asked if he would like to go to the big tire convention happening. He has already paid for our room, gave us extra cash on the guest room credit card. He's now talking that he is going to give us cash for gas.

April 18th and 19th gonna go see how money I can lose! Yippee!

A day off....

Wasn't a whole lot of fun. I'm just taking time to use time so I don't lose it, in June our new fiscal year.
I was supposed to hook up with SL. I went to the town I was supposed to meet him in earlier then I was supposed to be there. My daughter decided to stay home from school. So I rushed out of the house before she came down stairs.
I called him he said this would be ok he could meet me in an hour. So I went to the store and purchased the new chairs I was looking for. Figuring this would be enough time. When I called him I was 30 minutes away from the town.
Well I texted him when I finished my shopping. No reply. I go to another store in this nasty little town killing time. I still don't hear from him. I text again. I'm leaving.....
I get to the first exit pull off the park and ride. Text again. Still nothing. We're talking over 2 hours now.
Finally he calls I'm 5 miles from home. He tells me to turn around and come back.
I didn't. For many reasons I won't go into. Well I'm not sure we're talking anymore....He told me that I was willing to take the risk with others and not him. That I didn't think that the benefits with him were worth the risk. RP's name kept coming up. Whom I have not been with in over 2 years. (we are still friends)
I get off the phone with him I get a text from RP. Are you ok? You haven't talked to me since I told you about the rumors. I told him I write back every time he writes. So he got mad and said if I left it up to him to call me every time we won't talk. I guess that's kinda what I secretly want. But I also like the attention. I like knowing I'm wanted......

What to talk about?

I still have nothing......
I drank too much last night as hubby tried to get the sink in and put three dents in it with a hammer.
I'm probably the only one who will notice. It's not bad. It's just the fact it happened.....
Got WW tonight. Feeling pretty tired. Would be so easy to blow it off.
I can't I will go....
Gonna stop at the local Sears on my way home from WW and buy hubby a new jigsaw as he has more counter top to cut for some shelving.
Not very nice words coming out of his mouth last night as he tried to get the piece of crap one he has now to work.
Spring is on the way. Had 12 deer run through the back yard two nights ago.
Last night I saw less deer. Only about 5 or 6, I stopped in the drive way and yelled up at them. They stopped in their tracks and watched me as I talked to them. That was pretty cool.
Burned my chest in the tanning bed. My salon wasn't open she is there when she feels like it. Went to another place and they let me in for 6 minutes. That was enough as I'm a bit burned on my chest today. Guess she wasn't lying when she said their beds are much stronger. It took until about 10 am today to show.

Can you say DAY FROM HELL

I feel like crap,,,,,having my second nasty cold in a two week period. NOT FAIR....
Yesterday I sat here at my desk could hardly hold up my head.
Today I head out the door at 5:30am to go work out. Hubby says are you sure you want to go to work? I can walk. I go. Guess I should have stayed in bed.
I was leaving the gym I watch the on coming traffic waiting to pull out. All traffic gone, pull out suddenly I have a car scrapping down the side of my front bumper. How to hell did I not see this car??? It's beyond me??? She pulls over I get out of my jeep and must have said I'm sorry 100 times. She says I don't want to report this. "what?" Nah we're both having a bad day......
Still waiting for the cops to come knocking. I was ready to call the police and do the whole report. I have witnesses it wasn't a hit and run. My instructor and her hubby were two cars back. Saw me get out and talk to her.
Is she driving without a license?? No insurance??? What???

Well the day is still young. The Ease dropper comes to me this morning and says I want to tell you sorry. Starts in on his blah blah. I stop him. What are you talking about. I'm thinking he is going to say something about the gent that lost his mom. Oh you know the other day. When you assumed I said you share porn with the office and not me. I lost it!!!!!
I assumed NOTHING! You said, geeezz I never get anything all the jokes, virus' and porn you don't share with me.....I let him have it!
So today after already telling me 16 times he was sorry, he had to bring it up again.
He pretty much accused me of telling every one in the office not to talk to him.
He is upset cause he has lashed out at me one too many times. So I decided to stop talking to him.
I will talk work related stuff with him. But don't try to be my friend.
Am I sounding bitchy? Probably, sorry he has bit me too many times. I don't want to get into it. Way too much junk.

This was being discussed when R decides to come for a visit. Too much drama for him.
I'm sure he thinks I bring it on myself.....Not sure he wants to talk to me anymore.

So I called my salon. I asked for the same deal she has given me the last 2 years.
Buy one month get the second free.
See when I get stressed (will pretty much an emotion)I get flushed all across my chest. When I tan this doesn't show up.....

Hmmm maybe I do too much bitching. I guess I should really find something new to talk about. I'm open to suggestions

A good blogger buddy tells me he needs to take a break.......

Ever feel you want to crawl in a hole????

Ease dropping

One thing I can't stand are people who ease drop on conversations and then butt into the conversation.

I think this is going to get me trouble today!

I'm asked a question by my boss. He answers for me! This is happening WAY TOO MUCH.
Yeah I'm a bit pissy about it.

She asked me the question again and I reply with "I don't know, why don't you ask D"
Does he get the hint??? NO!

Yesterday a dear friend (works here at the college) stopped by. His mom passed away right before I went on vacation. First time I had a chance to speak to him was yesterday. I talked to him and told him I was sorry for his loss.

My boss comes out and also talks to him about it.

The one conversation that D decides not to ease drop on.....
He pipes up and says "Hey how's your mom?"

Dumb ass!!!!

He comes to me later in the day and says. "oh I didn't realize she passed away."
I was pretty mean and told him he ease drops on all the conversations how could he possibility miss this one???

I am a pretty happy, get along with everyone person.
He makes it impossible for anyone to like him.
I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one, who can't stand working with him.

Thanks for letting me vent.....

Am I being played?????

Damn I so easy!

It was a 2 year affair. I broke it off. Got too scary, feelings and all getting mixed up with the sex.

Over text at that.......He texts this am.
Started out talking about weight. He was my old WW buddy.
He says he kept some of the weight off this last time around. I told him I could use him back with me in WW.
He asks is that the only way I can get you?
He goes on to tell me how much he likes it when it's just us, that its very hard for him to share me with others.
We haven't seen each other in months. He says he has tried to put me out of his mind.
He can't do it anymore he misses us.
I asked if he was playing me, he says no and please trust me.
This is a guy who doesn't fall in love. He goes on to tell me there are some things you can't control and the heart wants what the heart wants.
He wishes it could be just us. He has never said that.....He wants me to tell him what to do where to go from here.
I told him I don't want to lose his friendship.
I can't give him more than that....We will end up where we left off. It is too dangerous! There's more it just keeps going on how he can't stop thinking about my soft lips.... He's good!
Damn I can't, I can't take that road again. Yes it was fun, but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,